Imaginary Authors Reviews

Ranked, For Your Convenience:

1. Telegrama

2. Cape Heartache

3. O, Unknown

4. A Whiff of Waffle Cone

5. The Soft Lawn

6. Memoirs of a Trespasser

7. Every Storm a Serenade

8. Bull’s Blood

9. A City on Fire

10. Saint Julep

11. Sundrunk

12. In Love With Everything

13. Fox in the Flowerbed

14. Slow Explosions

15. Falling Into the Sea

16. Whispered Myths

17. The Cobra and the Canary

O, UNKNOWN

The first one I tried, and honestly, a really high note to start on. The primary smell is black tea (as the image indicates), but the longer you wear it, the tea starts to fade and it turns into this really kinda clean, pleasant smell, like maybe a sweet baby powder? It feels close to a 'traditional' cologne, but not in a bad way, it just isn't particularly unusual in any way. But it is very black tea fresh. Really liked it.

Austin’s Rating: 8.8/10

A CITY ON FIRE

This is a REALLY fascinating smell. The first spray is overwhelmingly the smell of a burnt match. Like, just lit and blew out a match. It honestly surprised me because it's such an unusual, specific smell. The lit match smell disappears in a couple of minutes on the skin, and then it smells like singed wood. Not like a campfire, really, but like smoldering wood. It's intoxicating in a weird way, because it smells dangerous? If that makes sense? Like, if the goal was to replicate 'this is what a pyromaniac probably smells like', they nailed it. If I were a different kind of person, I would wear this while drinking a whiskey and wearing leather and it would be perfect. I can't imagine me ever wearing it, but I love smelling it.

Austin’s Rating: 7.7/10

EVERY STORM A SERENADE

Another strong contender for 'I should wear this forever'. Initial spray smells like a waterfall in a lush forest. I spent Christmas on the Oregon coast once, in a little place right next to an old lighthouse, and this is what the air smelled like. It smells like the coast, and little coastal towns, and trees, and fresh air. My only complaint is that this one seemed to dissipate faster than the other ones, so you'd probably have to reapply it, but I don't know that that's a bad thing. I made my sister smell it, and while she loved it initially, she said it started to smell like 'an old man' throughout the day. I don't get that, but I think the ambergris is probably the smell she was picking up on. Still a strong contender for me though. I wish this was a room spray, I would mist it all around.

Austin’s Rating: 8.2/10

A WHIFF OF WAFFLE CONE

Exactly what it says. I sprayed it on, and I smell like a warm waffle cone in an ice cream parlor. No second layers, no subtlety. I literally smell like a waffle cone. Honestly it's kinda distracting because now I'm continually hungry for ice cream, because I smell exactly like an ice cream cone.

This is a really good scent. I am genuinely impressed at how much it makes me smell like an ice cream cone. Like the A City On Fire scent, I absolutely love it, but I'm not sure if I can wear it. Honestly, if I wasn't a big beefy boy, I might try wearing it around just because it's such a lovely smell. But I'm afraid that as a big beautiful man, I probably shouldn't smell like ice cream all the time, that's a little too on-the-nose despite that this smells incredible. I want to sniff it more but I will not be wearing it.

Austin’s Rating: 8.5/10

CAPE HEARTACHE

Camp Heartache is a pretty strong contender to be my primary wear cologne. First notes are overwhelmingly woodsy -- heavy pine, but the good kind, not the 'artificial air freshener' kind that you associate with public bathrooms. That eventually mellows into a subtler forest smell, with immediate notes of artificial strawberry. The pine smells real and the strawberry doesn't, and honestly, it kinda works for me? The strawberry is that kind of cloyingly sweet smell that you get off of strawberry candies, but it's not overwhelming in any way, it's just this kinda sweet hint. It's hidden behind a really mellow vanilla note and, combined with the pine, just makes this inviting, forest-y smell. I don't think it's a smell that is particularly sexy, but it does smell INCREDIBLY cozy. Like, cardigan in a forest cozy. It's not as aggressive as any of the other smells but it's VERY pleasant.

Austin’s Rating: 8.9/10

FALLING INTO THE SEA

Today is Falling Into The Sea. I like it, I'm not in love with it. Don't get me wrong, it smells absolutely great -- it reminds me of Nautica Voyage (a long-time cheapie favorite) but with more lemon notes and a milder finish. If I had to buy any of these scents for someone and really didn't have a clue where to start, this would probably be the safest bet. It's the most 'traditional' of the colognes so far, a very summer-y smell that's a little sweet but not aggressively so. As a general cologne on the market, I'd give it something like a 7.5/10. As a part of Imaginary Authors?

Austin’s Rating: 5.5/10

FOX IN THE FLOWERBED

Very floral, very bright and spring-y, definitely not for me. It's a very feminine scent, one that reminds me of a pretty girl in a summer dress, which doesn't really fit me (a large hairy man not in a summer dress). If a lady smelled like this I'd probably be a little infatuated with her.

Austin’s Rating: 6.6/10

MEMOIRS OF A TRESPASSER

A very nice, very masculine smelling scent. It reminds me of a less aggressive version of perennial dad favorite Elsha 1776, but with a softer, sweeter undertone. The aggressive woodiness is the same, but in place of the leather undertone, it's vanilla. There's still that whiff of incense in it, which is nice, and I really appreciate that it seems to be a kind of fine-tuning of a classic scent. It's too rugged of a smell for a fancy poet boy like me, but this would be a great way for your man to smell.

Austin’s Rating: 8.2/10

IN LOVE WITH EVERYTHING

In Love With Everything smells like berries and fruit punch. It smells like a taffy shop on a summer afternoon, like the dessert bar on a cruise ship, and like a 20-something woman on a beach drinking a piña colada. It's fruity and radiant and welcoming, and it smells like something Bath and Body Works has been trying to produce for a decade and can't come close to.

Austin’s Rating: 7.2/10

SAINT JULEP

Mmm, Saint Julep smells delicious. It's a very mellow, very pleasant mint smell (basically the opposite of most mint-adjacent products like toothpaste) with sweet, sugary midnotes that fade after that first blush of mint. What remains is this kind of woody, faintly cotton-candy-ish smell with occasional little blasts of mint. The branding on this one is very refined and southern, which makes sense, because this absolutely smells like a southern dandy would. If I was more of a mint guy, this would be in serious consideration as a regular wear.

Austin’s Rating: 7.7/10

SLOW EXPLOSIONS

Slow Explosions is very floral, and very earthy. The top notes are very rose heavy, but as it settles down into the heart notes, it's a little more earthy but still with a few little floral hints now and again. That first punch was a little too aggressively flowery for my tastes, but once it gets into the groove, it's a much more mellow 'spring garden' type vibe. I'm not picking up on much of the leathery notes, but they do pop up occasionally, and it's really nice when they do. This is a nice smell, and I absolutely don't mind it, but I don't think it's for me.

Austin’s Rating: 6.4/10

SUNDRUNK

Sundrunk smells like eating a Clementine in a flower garden. I mean, I don't have many more words beyond that. It smells like fresh orange zest and then this just sorta undercurrent of floral. Very mild, very summery, very enticing.

Austin’s Rating: 7.5/10

TELEGRAMA

This one is NICE. Telegrama feels like an instant classic scent for people who don't want a 'scent'. The overwhelming smell is 'clean' -- the body of the fragrance appears to be talc and a sweet vanilla -- so the scent is like you just left a dry cleaners. A very fancy dry cleaners, where everyone is wearing nicely pressed cotton shirts and looks immaculate. I'm really tempted to make this a daily wear because it smells so aggressively clean, but hell, I might buy a bottle just to hit my sheets with. If you're a fan of constantly smelling fresh and refined, this one is must. I don't know what else to say about this one, it's sorta a perfect smell for the exact right person.

Austin’s Rating: 9/10

THE COBRA AND THE CANARY

I'm not sure how to describe The Cobra and the Canary. It's a very full, very masculine smell that has hints of tobacco and... something else? I can't place it. It smells like the service department of a car dealership, with the faint smell of smoke, and chemicals, and various mens colognes. Not a bad smell, but it's not for me. I'm sure there's somebody out there that this hits all the right notes for but he's not a fancy little lad like I am.

Austin’s Rating: 4.6/10

THE SOFT LAWN

The Soft Lawn smells expensive and refined. It reminds me a lot of Lacoste White, but a little more neutral and a little less fruity after that first top note. They say that it has a note of 'fresh tennis ball scent' in it, and I'll be damned, it does occasionally give you a whiff like someone just opened a tube of Penns. Very refreshing, very light and breezy -- it's really giving a run for the money in terms of whether this should be my daily wear.

Austin’s Rating: 8.2/10

WHISPERED MYTHS

Conceptually I want to like Whispered Myths, but it smells too much like old people to me. Like, strong 'old man cologne' vibes. It's certainly not a bad scent -- it's honestly probably what Indiana Jones smells like when he's working office hours -- but I don't think it suits me. There's a really heavy oud note to it that I don't mind (despite not usually liking oud) but yeah, probably just not for me.

Austin’s Rating: 5/10

BULL’S BLOOD

Bull's Blood is wild -- it smells like a sexy laser tag arena, if that comparison makes any sense. At first I didn't like it, but it sorta grows on you as you smell it... it's VERY masculine and patchouli-forward. I don't mind it, actually, and if I were a different kind of person, I bet I would smell amazing in this. This scent plus a leather jacket is probably what danger smells like.

Austin’s Rating: 7.8/10